I woke up at 5:40 and went to work, I got off around 6 that night, got cleaned up and our friends the Moretti's picked me and Annie up. I have always wanted to go to Kobe Sushi because they have something called the Hellfire challenge and I really wanted to do it. So did it I did.
Me, Annie, Brett, Tiff, Vachel, Krak, and Whipple went to the restaurant and got started. By got started I mean we started drinking because we got there at 7 and all of their rolls go on sale at 8. We all like drinking so it wasn't awkward or anything. We had some good conversation filled with plenty of laughs.
Finally it is time to order and I begin the Hellfire challenge. The challenge gives you a free t-shirt and your picture on the wall upon completion. It requires you to eat 2 pieces of level 6 sushi, 2 pieces of level 6.5, and 6 pieces of level 7. I am excited. Supposedly the level of spice doubles with each level.
As it turned out I hadn't eaten anything all day, this might have caused me some problems. So they bring out level 6 and I destroy it. I am very confident, they got nothing! Should we take the picture now? Should I take my shirt off? I think I should take my shirt off.
Level 6.5 shows up. I put a piece into my mouth and attempt to casually continue telling Krak a story. I am stopped mid speech by my sinuses completely evacuating. That's ok though, I mean I was kind of stuffed up so now I don't have to worry about that anymore. Problem solved!! I finish up 6.5, it was hot, I'm getting a little nervous.
Level 7 shows up after I sign a waiver that states that I will not sue Kobe Sushi if I die. This perhaps should have been the first indicator telling me to throw in the towel. I signed it and prepared for the worst. They brought me out a plate that had two pieces of level seven sushi on it. They looked like fire that had been turned into a solid.
The consensus at the table was that I should eat them both as fast as possible, then order the next two pieces. I agreed. I placed a piece into my mouth and immediately had a feeling that I had made a horrible mistake. Brett provided support and I placed the second piece in my mouth. I swallowed.
There was no going back.
My mouth was on fire. It was like somebody had poured gasoline into my mouth and lit it. I had a lemon, milk, water, and beer. None of these items helped. Nothing I did could extinguish the fire going on inside my mouth.
First things first, I know when I'm in trouble and I was in trouble. I aborted the Hellfire Challenge to the disappointment of the rest of the table. I am guessing it was twenty to thirty minutes before my mouth was no longer in pain. At minute thirty I felt good, at minute thirty-one it broke through my stomach defenses. This is bad. Really bad. I am a complete mess.
Tiff was our designated driver, I was in the backseat wanting to die. Upon our arrival I got out of the car, went directly inside and proceeded to vomit three times. As I began throwing up I was so relieved. Get this out of my stomach! I was a fool to think it would be that easy. Funny thing about extremely spicy food being thrown up. It doesn't lose it's spiciness, it is every bit as spicy on the way up as it is on the way down. Remember how my mouth was no longer on fire? So much for that, at this point in my life my stomach is in an extreme amount of pain and my mouth is back to square one. I WANT TO DIE.
I go to bed. I do not sleep well. At about three in the morning I wake up and need to relieve myself. I go into the bathroom and begin relieving myself. Apparently, the fire that was inside my stomach has no seeped into my urinary tract. So......what this means is that it burns everything in its path. Now I don't want to get too graphic here but if you know much about the exit of the urinary tract.....you can understand my particular pain in this situation. I wanted to squeal, but it was the middle of the night. So I just sat there and absorbed the pain. THIS WAS NOT ON THE DAMN WAIVER. I didn't even realize this was possible, but it should certainly be on the waiver. I finally finish up and go back to bed completely miserable.
I wake up in the morning and go to work. I feel awful. I went to college, lived up on campus, I have experienced some nasty hangovers. This blows them all out of the water. I am a mess until about noon. Finally I feel better! It is a miracle, I have never been so relieved.
At two I realize that I need to go the bathroom. The kind of bathroom visit that a guy doesn't do standing up. Luckily I feel fine now so I'm not too worried. Funny how life works. I should have been worried.
The male anatomy has 3 main entrances/exits to the body. Not everybody has experienced fire in all three within eighteen hours, but I have.
