Day 4: Complimentary birds of prey

Hey everyone, today is a travel day so the blog might be light on adventures. Do not fear, I have planned for this.  

We are staying in a ladies spare bedroom, in her apartment on the docks. 

The room is tiny, but we have a view of this big ole ship. So far we have watched it float at the docks during the day. Then we watched it float at the docks at night. 5/5 stars, will watch again. 

I have been using the same suitcase for about 16 years. It has had a good run, but this morning something horrible happened. 

It is hard to see, but the seams are splitting. I am really hoping it makes it through our flight today. Then I'm hoping that our friends in England have Duct tape...or something to remedy the situation. 

On our way out of our apartment we saw this sign by the stairs. 

As somebody who avoids confrontation, I completely support this passive aggressive sign. 5/5 stars, will read again. 

We did some last minute touring of the city and began our commute to the airport. Then we got distracted by a city, then we realized that we were going to be late to the airport.  Here's the thing, being late stresses me out. More than the average person. Annie is the exact opposite in this regard. So things got a little tense.  I am happy to announce that we made it through this trying time. I'm also happy to announce that today is our 8 year anniversary.  8 years!  5/5 stars, would marry again. 

During our flight Annie found this rogue eyelash growing on my face. Hopefully she thinks it is sexy, but it is hard to get a read on her thoughts on it. (The eyelash is on the inside part of my eye, towards my nose, it kind of looks like a wrinkle. But I don't get those.)

 

I wrote up to this point in the blog all throughout the day. Planning on having about one paragraph at the end and ending. Unfortunately(fortunately?) we had a very exciting evening. 

We drove to Overton, which is a very small town in England. We are staying at Mallards, which is some older couples house. They just rent out their bedrooms.  This place...well let me show you. 

 (On the way in)

(Backyard)

(Pet bird of prey)

This house is ridiculous. There are birds everywhere.  A crystal clear river in the backyard. Apparently you can see huge trout swimming in it. Ducks just wandering around. Oh and a pet hawk. What the hell. This place is awesome. 

Then we went to dinner(it was fantastic), and afterword we stopped in at a pub for a drink. Fast forward two hours and we have made quite a few English friends.  Some old guy shows up and starts telling stories. Then the lady that owns the joint shows up and starts telling us how the silk for Princess Diana's dress was made here.  One couple has told the bar tender that they will have just one more drink for three drinks.  The older gentleman is going on about Scotland.  It was great. That is all.   Tomorrow we head to Heighclere Castle and Stone Henge. Which I recently learned from my English friends should be bulldozed. 

Cheers. 

Day 3: Horse Races

Hello. I slept until 10 am because Annie and I had a bit too much fun last night people watching. We were on the patio of a pretty amazing bar called the Tigh Neachtain. We ended up on the patio drinking Guiness and watching people walk by. Oh boy were we rewarded. There was the young couple that had a reasonably serious fight in front of us, then a super sexy make up. Then they went off to really make up I guess. Then a drunk girl walked by screaming at us to "Never go to Murphys"(we went by Murphys, it looks alright).  We enjoyed ourselves quite a bit but went to bed rather late. 

So we woke up and needed coffee ASAP. 

Instead we got tea. It was an enjoyable and adorable experience. Thanks Ireland?

After tea we set off for a castle! But then we got distracted halfway there and stopped in at a small pub in a tiny town.   The food was amazing, the Guiness was excellent as well. Our experience so far has been that the small town pubs are gems. 

We did get to the castle eventually. I was a bit disappointed. It was cool but not as grand as I would like. It's like a poor persons castle and that is just the worst. 

After the castle we drove to a farm that was not open. The cows in Ireland look super happy. They are like laying around in incredible looking grass. I'm jealous of Irish cows.   Except for the whole, "they are going to kill me for my meat" thing.  Sorry cows. 

After the farm we were heading back to Galway to a pub that I wanted to go to. 

We saw a sign for horse races! No brainer. We went to the horse races.  It isn't like any of the horse races I have been to. There are about 30 people representing different booking companies. They are all on stools yelling out odds. Very intimidating. After a few races we made a bet on number of 11. Number 11 lost and owes me 5 euros.

After the races we went to Bierhaus, which is a pub that carries a bunch of craft beer. It is real great.  An old guy was upset that they didn't carry Budweiser and had some stern Irish words with the bar tender. 

That's pretty much our day. Tomorrow we say farewell to Ireland and head to England. We will start in the south and then we will be at our friends house in Cambridge about mid week. 

Cheers. 

Day 2: The Cliffs of Moher

We decided to not set an alarm and with any luck get some much needed sleep.  It was a massive success!  We woke up at 9 and went to find breakfast.  There was a little place near our hotel called Hatch. The breakfast was great and the coffee was quite mediocre.  Which is becoming a recurring theme. 

After breakfast we set out for The Cliffs of Moher, which is a three hour drive to the west.   Unfortunately our car informed us that we had a low tire. I'm no scientist but the low tire might be related to the curb incidents from yesterday, but we will never know for sure. We will mark it down as an unsolved mystery. 

On our way to the Cliffs of Moher we saw an Abbey and stopped by. 

There were some kids that wandered in and started climbing along the walls. Then their dad showed up and gave them a stern talking to. But everybody had an Irish accent so it worked out great in the end. 

The Cliffs of Moher are really, really awesome. The pictures don't do this place justice. 

(Not pictured: All of the tourists and all of the bugs)

We finished off the night with a really great dinner in Galway and a visit to a bar. It was hard to choose which one to go to. They seem to have a plentiful supply of bars.  

Overall the day was great. We were quite busy with all the driving around though. On deck for tomorrow: NOBODY KNOWS. It's an unplanned day in Galway and the surrounding area. 

Cheers. 

Day 1: Driving, drinking and sleeping in Ireland.

We have arrived in Dublin. Upon arriving we headed to Howth. It was a little wild, Annie was driving on the left side of the road and driving from the right side of the car. It is slightly terrifying to be the passenger in this situation. We hit a few curbs but for the most part survived the  experience. 

Howth is a small city on the east coast.   We got coffee and killed some time. We were supposed to stay in an AirBNB tonight. We were supposed to meet Adeline around 12 and check into our room. None of these things occurred.   Instead Adeline cancelled our reservation at 11. So we had to scramble and get a hotel in Dublin. So that sucks and I wish Adeline the worst.   The good news is that our hotel is real nice and they took our car and parked it for us.  Which was a relief after navigating the streets of Dublin to the hotel.  Then we proceeded to pass out for a couple hours.  

We woke up recharged and set out into the city!  We stopped at the Stags Head and finally got a well deserved Guinness. 

Then we got a less deserved second beer....and and even less deserved round of whiskey.  But it was awesome and I am the worst at properly pronouncing Irish cities, but the bartender appreciates the effort. 

After the Stags Head we walked over to Dublin Castle and enjoyed the scenery.  It was getting late and was pretty much empty which was nice. 

We then proceeded to the Old Storehouse for dinner. It was a basement pub with live music.  It was a pretty great place all around. Especially after we added salt to the meal.  I had a Guinness stew that was excellent. 

We are now exhausted and ready for bed.   Tomorrow is a big day, we head west to the Cliffs of Moher, and with any luck will find out how Guinness tastes on the west coast of Ireland. 

Cheers. 

UK/Ireland Day Zero

9/4/15

We are going to Ireland! The only catch is that we fly to Chicago first and have a quick 7 hour  layover.  Our first flight was alright. I noticed a few things during my flight. First off, does first class get better oxygen than us regular humans?  I hope it's flavored with mango or something.   They deserve it.   The second thing I noticed is that I hate how magazines don't put the page number on every page. As president that will be illegal. Assuming magazines are still a thing when I am president. 

After landing in Chicago we took the train   and found a pretty good place to kill some time. 

It was a pretty eventful game. Especially when it started raining peanut shells. It turns out that there was a void in the deck above us and their shells were being deposited on or around us.   The guy behind us told us that we could complain and somebody would go yell at them.   I feel that this was just part of the experience. So we endured and refrained from looking up.  The game was a lot of fun, and the beer was only NINE DOLLARS. After the game I got a slice of pizza that was smore flavored. So that happened. 

We have now made it back to the airport,  and are about to take off. I'm glad we got in some America recreational activities before going abroad. Balance is important.   Ireland is first up, I'm sure we will be super awake and not ornery at all tomorrow morning when we land. 

Cheers. 

Nick

One Night in Idaho

     Oh hello there!  I'm in a hotel in Idaho, it's called the guesthouse and I am just a little bit drunk.  I am, by scientific terms, three beers drunk.  You are probably wondering how I got so drunk, well let me tell you my friends.  Pull up a seat, or a chair on wheels while I tell the tale.
     I'm working in Rexburg, Idaho.  It is well documented how much I hate Rexburg, so I am staying in  St. Anthony for the first time.  St. Anthony is about 15 minutes outside of Rexburg and there isn't an Applebees in sight.  Unless you are up high, then I guess you could see the Applebees that is in Rexburg.  Whatever.  I just got off work and I am dead tired, I need food.  Last night while eating at Applebees a drunk lady was going on and on about this amazing restaurant called Chiz, located in St. Anthony.  How convenient!  I am temporarily located in St. Anthony!  Off to Chiz we go.
     I'm pretty excited, this place sounds legit.  I pull out my iPhone and try to navigate to this mecca of awesomeness.  Then I laugh because I opened up the Apple Maps program, which is kind of like when a small child draws America and they think they did a good job.  Silly Apple, you suck now and I find that funny.  I close Apple Maps and open Google Maps, which leads me directly to Chiz!  I park and read the sign out front, "Chiz:  A Cougar Bar".  Whoa, the drunk lady did not say anything about cougars.  Shit is getting real,  this is going to be good.  Then I see another sign, "CASH ONLY".  Bullshit!  Typical Cougar cash only sale.  I'm not going to put up with this.
     I drive two blocks back to the hotel because I remembered the front desk had a binder full of local restaurants.  I walk in and the lady at the desk immediately tells me to go to Adams Kitchen.  She says everything is amazing.  She has had the burgers, steak, sushi.  Loves it all.  Ok, not sure why you just said sushi but I'll bite.  We drive to Adams Kitchen.
     Adams Kitchen is on the side of the highway, it's in a log cabin.  There is a large sign out front with a knife, a fork, and chop sticks.  Ok.  It's 2014, there is nothing wrong with mixing things up a bit.  We go in and meet our server, a japanese lady by the name of June(lie?), that is the most awkward human being I've ever met.  I ask for a beer menu and she comes back with a small tablet with 6 beers handwritten on it.  She says she doesn't drink beer so she has this list.  Ok.  I order a Mirror Pond.  June comes back a few minutes later and pours me my beer.

     I knew that this was going to happen and I did nothing to stop it.  When June walked up holding a beer mug that clearly holds 20 oz. and not 12 oz.,  I suspected something was amiss.  June set the glass down, then proceeded to turn the mirror pond straight up and down above my glass.  It was awesome, I just watched it with a smile.  I thanked June and she went on her way.
     Two more coworkers showed up and took their seats at the table.  I advised them that they might want to consider pouring their own beer.  Andy took it serious.  June brought Andy a Kirin and went to pour at the same time Andy reached out to take the beer.  He informed June that he would be doing the pouring this evening and she left.
     We begin to get settled in and I take a look around at the house decor.  Their is a sign that says "Paris", a picture of a duck above a picture of a hamster and some sweet lighting that puts me in the mood to hang out awkwardly in a cabin and feel like an asian.  The lighting is super informational, it says "Sushi" on them.

   
     Andy went to the bathroom and found some interesting writing on the bathroom door.  I had to inspect it for myself.

     I didn't expect to find a better bathroom door lock in Idaho but I did.  Sometimes magical things just happen.  I order my second beer, I pour it all by myself.  We finally get around to looking at the menu and deciding on food.  This place has edamame, prime rib, steak and sushi.  Ok.  Chris orders the Prime Rib, June tells him he gets to eat at the salad bar.  I order steak, I do not get to eat at the salad bar.  June doesn't ask me how I would like it cooked.  As an afterthought, I recommend that maybe they cook it rare.  She gives me a look that kind of felt like she was saying, "fuck off".   Chris goes and helps himself to the salad bar full of Prime Rib eaters.
     June comes back.  She asks Chris if he wanted the Baby Back Ribs, he says he wanted the Prime Rib.  She says the Baby Back Ribs are the special and come with a salad bar.  He says he wants Prime Rib.  She leaves disappointed.  Chris eats his free salad.
     One of the guys in the booth close by pulls out his phone and starts playing a motocross game on it, the volume is at the max.  The restaurant becomes an intense race for a few minutes.  I start laughing and can't stop.  I start thinking about beer number three.  (Full disclosure:  On work trips, company policy is that they will pay for two drinks.  Anything after that you have to pay for yourself)
     Ten minutes go by.  I want to order another beer but I'm pretty sure starting a separate tab is out of the question.  I don't order.  Ten minutes go by.  I am going against company policy,  I order another beer, June totally judges me and says "Another?".  Later I find out that June had already written up our bill and I made her cross out my beer total and redo the entire totaling process, BY HAND.
     Andy Orders another beer.  June brings him the beer and it gets real awkward.  She tries to pour it, he says no, then he takes the bottle, then he says "Well if you really want to".  June doesn't pour it.  June leaves.  It gets really quiet and we wonder if we will ever eat again.  I talk about how excited I am to bring other employees to this place.  My employees act disappointed that I would do that.
     Everybody's food shows up except for Chris's.  Everybody's food sucks pretty good, except for Chris's because it doesn't actually exist.  My steak was cooked the average amount, which is what I suspect all of their steaks are cooked like.  About halfway through the meal we realize that Chris is still hungry and isn't eating.  We all have a good laugh because we are no longer hungry because we have food.  The prime rib finally shows up, it comes with "mashed potatoes", which were clearly made in preparation for Y2K in a bowl that could be microwaved.  I wonder aloud how many individual bowls of mashed potatoes they have frozen in the back room.  I ask for the check.
     I give June my credit card, she asks if this is our first time coming to Adam's Kitchen.  I laugh at the thought of a repeat customer, then I remember the lady at the hotel that told us to come here.  Maybe she is friend of Junes.  I don't know, something isn't adding up.  June brings back my card and gives me a present!

           Now I have to come back here!  I thought June hated me, but it turns out we are best friends.  She decarbonates my beer, I tip her 20% for horrible food and service because I'm gutless, she gives me a card that doesn't fit into my wallet for 10% off.  I modify the card so I don't lose it.

   
      We leave the restaurant and I am sad to go.  I made a lot of memories there and I will miss June.  We pull into our hotel parking lot and I get out of the truck.  As I'm walking to my room I pass the front desk lady that recommended Adams Kitchen.  She looks so happy and excited to hear what I think.  I LIE.  I look her in the face and tell her that it was great.  Which, in a way, wasn't a lie at all.

   

What I hate about Mexicans.

Hey, you clicked!  Alright!

So what I did there with the title of this blog is called "click bait."  You make something huge and controversial and people can't stop themselves from clicking.  You were scrolling down your Facebook feed and that is what happened. Don't dispute it, I know.

The following is a direct account of your typical Facebook News Feed:

Facebook, Facebook, lets see what's going on in the world today.  Hmm, my old friend from high school seems to be going through a hard time.  It's hard to know for sure but her status says, "Oh wow today is my worst day ever....".  

Okay, don't click that shit!  That is also a form of click bait, but it's a totally lame form that involves sadness and misfortune wrapped up into some sort of scavenger hunt where the person doesn't tell you what happened but they do want you to be concerned and to console them.  It's called vaguebooking and it's vile.  What do they want from me?  Well, I'll tell you what they are going to get from me.

"Dear friend from High School that I don't have any interaction with: congratulations on your ability to procreate at a remarkable pace.  I always knew that you had taken it hard when you didn't make the basketball team.  It's good to know that you have created your own in-house team.  Good on you.  I don't know why you are sad, mainly because you didn't say why you were sad.  I can only assume that your children have surpassed your basketball abilities and have gone out-of-house to bring in more talent.  That's rough, but look on the bright side--you can still make babies.  Unless you are double-sad because your children replaced you on your "home-grown" basketball team AND you got your tubes tied.  Or whatever it is when they do it go a guy.  Tubes tied, unscrewed the hose, whatever.  Anyway, if that happened then that TOTALLY sucks, man.  So in closing, I'm sorry for the fact that you still suck at basketball and you can't get girls pregnant anymore.  Which TOTALLY goes hand in hand with your dream of being in the NBA."  

Zing!


Moving on:

Oh hey look, my old college buddy has posted an article about how (insert political affiliation) is trying to destroy (insert something you enjoy), and he can prove it with a link to this (insert some extremist political affiliation) website.  Wow.  This seems totally legit.  I totally trust the guy but just for fun I guess I will go to Snopes.com and check this out. 

(10 seconds later)  My college buddy is a stupid moron.

Onward, ever onward.

 ^That is a mormon reference

Okay, what do we have here? 

If one hundred thousand people like this picture of these ugly kids holding a shitty sign then their shitty parents will buy them a dog.  

First of all, I love dogs, and I hate these kids and their parents, the dogs don't deserve to be involved in this and dogs getting a home shouldn't hinge on stupid Facebook likes.  No thank you, get a basketball, start a stupid team.


Scrolling:

Lets see here, apparently Nick has posted to his stupid blog again.  "What I hate about Mexicans."  Whoa.  Holy shit, Nick has completely lost it.  I've gotta read this, then I'm gonna share it and get so many likes!  This shit is going to be trending.  #thelastsonofbobhatesmexicans  

CLICK.



WELCOME BACK.  That was quite the journey and I'm glad that I can be the high point of your social networking day.  What?  Nope, definitely meant to say high point.  Stop being weird.  Anyway, you came here to find out why I hate Mexicans and I am not one to disappoint.  (Disclaimer:  I am one to disappoint while playing Catch Phrase, Basketball, Baseball, Football, shoulder strength tests, hair free competitions, prohibition law-following, talking quietly while drinking, dressing fashionably, dressing myself in an acceptable way at all, making the bed with all those god damn pillows, folding fitted sheets, being organized, filling up my car before it is dangerously low on gas, making my sideburns line up with each other, shaving, finding things at the grocery store, finding things in my house, remembering to do something tomorrow if you tell me today, remembering to do something tomorrow if you tell me tomorrow, navigating to a location and not passing it, not throwing up while in Texas, driving any vehicle smaller than my work van.  End disclaimer)  My hatred of Mexicans really boils down to one simple thing.  The hard-shell taco.

Seriously,  people willingly eat these things?  Have they met the soft-shell?  The hard-shell taco is designed in such a way that if you touch the damn thing, it explodes into shards of glass.  By DESIGN that is its purpose.  You take your little hard channel of death and put meat at the bottom because it's the heaviest. That makes sense.  Then you layer on all of your cheese, lettuce, guacamole, salsa, etc.  When you are done you have a beautiful piece of food that nobody can eat without getting completely stressed out.  Every time I take a bite I'm scared that this is the time it will explode, sending shards of hard shell into my gums and launching meat and condiments across the room.  Taco salads were created by people that got tired of stressing out about that shit.

"Can I get a hard-shell taco? Oh, and will you just put it in a big ass bowl?  Thanks."  

The worst part about the whole situation is IF you do successfully take a bite you get to eat one of two things.  A bite full of just taco meat, or a bite full of lettuce, cheese and salsa.  It's IMPOSSIBLE to actually taste what you created as it is intended.  It's too damn wide.  I'm no porn star.

This is an outrage and I don't believe for a second that the people in Mexico actually use hard shells.  You want to know why?  Because the soft-shell taco exists!  The soft-shell taco takes all of the hard-shell taco's faults and fixes them!  You take a soft, pliable, delicious... circle thing (Disclaimer:  I don't actually know what a soft shell is, I mean I know it's a tortilla, but if you told me to define a tortilla I'm pretty sure I would say it was a soft-shell taco creation device).  Anyway, you take this circle and you evenly distribute all of your meat and fixings in an organized line, marching down the center of the tortilla.  Everything is stacked on top of the previous food item.  Then you roll up the tortilla and it all mixes together and is evenly distributed throughout!  Your first bite and all consecutive bites are all equally amazing!

My detractors will probably point out that they like how crunchy the hard-shell taco is.  First of all, a hard-shell taco is a Dorito before they make it good.  Go buy a bag of Doritos. You're welcome.  Second of all, can't you just break off chunks of your hard shell and place them uniformly inside your soft shell with all the other things you want to eat?  It's called a soft shell taco crunch.

And that, my friends, is how soft-shell tacos made me love Mexicans.