A list of things that add up to awesome.

1. Recently Adrian Gonzalez signed a 7 year 156 million dollar contract with the Boston Red Sox. If I was in the mlb I would take a much different approach. I'd want to be that guy that never leaves baseball. How better to do that than by signing an affordable 30 year 90 million dollar contract? Ya so I would be 50 years old and contractually the team would have to roster me. So I guess I would just get drunk in the dugout.

2. Donald Trump isn't going to run for president. What he is going to do is get you to watch the season finale of "The Apprentice" by pretending that he might run for president.

3. Sarah Palin's daughter Bristols job is to go around the country and lecture high school students about having kids at a young age and out of wedlock and how hard it is. Bristol Palin made six figures in 2010. Essentially this is like hiring a pot head to give a speech on motivation.

4. The age that the United States government can draft you to go to war and the age that you can buy a beer are not the same age.

5. A dog never gets frustrated or bitter or holds a grudge. Phil locked himself in the bathroom all day. Not a big bathroom, a half bathroom. When we got home after eight hours and let him out the translation of his reaction is as follows, "Oh hey guys, ya I've just been hanging out in the bathroom, not a lot of space in there. It's cool I sniffed the trash for a while, that was fun......who's outside? Do you have a treat? Lets have treats. I love you mom and dad. Lets see how many toys I can fit in my mouth."

6. If I had a child and they locked themselves in the bathroom I suspect that they would not react in this way.

7. When a fly ball is hit and the outfielders don't communicate properly and the ball falls on the ground in front of them it makes me laugh. Nobody can look cool in that situation, nobody.

8. Sarah Palin makes $100,000 per speaking engagement.

9. To date I have made $0.00 per speaking engagement.

10. If you had a pet goose and he slept on the bed with you on your down pillows, that would be messed up.

11. I don't understand when people find out I like baseball and say something along the lines of "Baseball sucks, it's gay." Football is a much "gayer" sport than Baseball statistically.

12. Sports Athletes aren't role models. Athletes get paid millions to play a game. That isn't real life. Look up to your dad because he goes to work every day.

13. I look like a little boy without facial hair.

14. True friends never tell me that eating or doing anything will "put hair on my chest".

15. There is a thin line between having a rug and having a room that you could only partially afford to carpet.

16. The United States of America invaded two countries and lowered taxes.

17. Years later we criticized the banking industry for making poor financial decisions.

18. In general babies aren't cute, you have my permission to call my baby out.

19. Puppies are always cute. If you ever say one of my puppies isn't cute I will fight you.

20. In the near future there will be a facebook group getting people to boycott the oil companies for a day. Too bad the oil companies are not as near sighted as the people who would boycott something for one day knowing that the next day they will be consuming the boycotted item. AA was set up for people in this category.

21. The Utah legislature is closing liquor stores that turn a profit year after year for the state. My normal reaction to such nonsense would be "What are they drunk?". Yet, in this case they are clearly not drunk.

22. I purchased a bottle of lemonade last week. It had writing on the bottle that said "Made with real lemons". Oh good. Thanks for using the primary ingredient to the drink I am drinking. Seriously though, be on the lookout for bottles that do not state this, you don't want that shit.