Take my hand

You sent me letters, you petitioned online, you left me voicemails and you verbally abused me in person. All your hard work has finally paid off. The Last Son of Bob's Blog is back! Full disclosure: The fact that the blog may or may not be back has more to do with my work schedule slowing down that it does with your letters, petitions, and voicemails. You might be thinking right now, "I don't even care that Nick is blogging again and I certainly didn't sign a petition.". Well whatever. That petition didn't sign itself and I'm not going to waste anymore time convincing you that you may or may not have signed a petition that I may or may not have made up entirely for my introduction paragraph of this blog post......which you signed a petition for. Introductory paragraph accomplished.

It has been far too long. I feel like that dad that only wants to be around his kids every other month, and when he does show up he has like tons of toys and candy. Then the kids are like "Wow dad we should do this every day!" and dad is like "Totally!", but in his head he is thinking "Being a dad is hard I am so heading to Vegas tomorrow, I hope the tiger exhibit at the Mirage is open. I love tigers. Especially white ones.". Except in this scenario the dad is having a hard time writing a blog that will live up to past blogs. So instead he watched baseball and looked up pictures of white tigers online. The tigers keep everything connected and making sense.

What better way to come back to the blogging world than by telling my trusty seventeen followers a story. Whoa hold up, seventeen followers you say? I too am shocked at the number. You know what is even better than the number? The percentages. In 2011 alone I have seen a 100% jump in followers. Amazing. What other presidential candidate can claim that his numbers have doubled in eight months? Things are looking up for my political career. You may not have realized that following my blog was committing to me as a presidential candidate. Surprise! Look at it this way, this surprise killed 100% less people than the "Iraq doesn't have weapons of mass destruction" surprise did. Note: I recently found out that my good friend Andrea hates it when people overuse quotation marks. I now fear the quotation mark and its many uses. I'm not running for the president of grammar.""""

I was trying to tell you a story, about my dancing years. Maybe it's an encore performance, we will see. When I first began clogging I believe I was in second grade. For those of you that have not read my blog previously I was was not so big, not so strong, not so coordinated, so adorable. So every boy gets paired up with a girl, your clogging partner. Or in my mind, "The girl I stand the closest to but don't talk to". We got along great. She was good at clogging, I was good at standing somewhat close to her. She was a cute girl and I looked like a cute girl. We had tons of things in common, I bet if we had talked we would have had tons of things to talk about.

I guess it is not enough to just dress up a bunch of small children in ridiculous outfits and make them frolic around in front of large groups of people. What they do is pair them up and make them do tricks. I'm pretty sure that if my mom had known that they were going to make me do tricks she would have said, "Oh, my son doesn't do tricks so well." Clogging career cancelled. Unfortunately, this scenario did not happen.

So I am in it for the tricks. Trick #1, spread legs, reach in between legs while the girl is crouching behind you and grab her hands, pull her through legs, she glides through your legs, stands up and dances around. This scenario also did not happen. What did happen was I spread my legs AND reached between my legs and grabbed her hands. That part I was pretty good at. The problem was that I wasn't strong, or large. We were the same size. So I grab her hands and pull, and she kind of slowly slides through my legs. Assuming that I don't grab her hands and fall a little off balance when I try to pull her through. Then she goes kind of crooked and kind of deflects off of my knee. Then climbs to her feet and dances around. It was magical.

So I guess the teacher saw how coordinated I was and decided, "This little boy/girl is ready to take it up a notch". So she starts by explaining how the boys are going to take the hands of the girls and swing them around and pick them up in the air and it's going to be magical. My first reaction is "This is a bad idea and you are ruining magic for me". Sometimes a persons first reaction is not the proper reaction. In this particular case it was in fact the proper reaction. The teacher proceeds to show us how to do it, the proper form and stuff like that. Now it was our turn to show perform the trick. So I turn to my partner, she says to me "Are you ready?" and I answered her "Yes", and I took her hand......

In hindsight I feel like I should have worded that answer.......a little differently.

Whoa whoa whoa that's it? You just going to end the blog on that? But we want more!

You know who else wants more? The kids with the dead beat dad that is at the Mirage enjoying the Tiger exhibit. But they never get it.