One Night in Idaho

     Oh hello there!  I'm in a hotel in Idaho, it's called the guesthouse and I am just a little bit drunk.  I am, by scientific terms, three beers drunk.  You are probably wondering how I got so drunk, well let me tell you my friends.  Pull up a seat, or a chair on wheels while I tell the tale.
     I'm working in Rexburg, Idaho.  It is well documented how much I hate Rexburg, so I am staying in  St. Anthony for the first time.  St. Anthony is about 15 minutes outside of Rexburg and there isn't an Applebees in sight.  Unless you are up high, then I guess you could see the Applebees that is in Rexburg.  Whatever.  I just got off work and I am dead tired, I need food.  Last night while eating at Applebees a drunk lady was going on and on about this amazing restaurant called Chiz, located in St. Anthony.  How convenient!  I am temporarily located in St. Anthony!  Off to Chiz we go.
     I'm pretty excited, this place sounds legit.  I pull out my iPhone and try to navigate to this mecca of awesomeness.  Then I laugh because I opened up the Apple Maps program, which is kind of like when a small child draws America and they think they did a good job.  Silly Apple, you suck now and I find that funny.  I close Apple Maps and open Google Maps, which leads me directly to Chiz!  I park and read the sign out front, "Chiz:  A Cougar Bar".  Whoa, the drunk lady did not say anything about cougars.  Shit is getting real,  this is going to be good.  Then I see another sign, "CASH ONLY".  Bullshit!  Typical Cougar cash only sale.  I'm not going to put up with this.
     I drive two blocks back to the hotel because I remembered the front desk had a binder full of local restaurants.  I walk in and the lady at the desk immediately tells me to go to Adams Kitchen.  She says everything is amazing.  She has had the burgers, steak, sushi.  Loves it all.  Ok, not sure why you just said sushi but I'll bite.  We drive to Adams Kitchen.
     Adams Kitchen is on the side of the highway, it's in a log cabin.  There is a large sign out front with a knife, a fork, and chop sticks.  Ok.  It's 2014, there is nothing wrong with mixing things up a bit.  We go in and meet our server, a japanese lady by the name of June(lie?), that is the most awkward human being I've ever met.  I ask for a beer menu and she comes back with a small tablet with 6 beers handwritten on it.  She says she doesn't drink beer so she has this list.  Ok.  I order a Mirror Pond.  June comes back a few minutes later and pours me my beer.

     I knew that this was going to happen and I did nothing to stop it.  When June walked up holding a beer mug that clearly holds 20 oz. and not 12 oz.,  I suspected something was amiss.  June set the glass down, then proceeded to turn the mirror pond straight up and down above my glass.  It was awesome, I just watched it with a smile.  I thanked June and she went on her way.
     Two more coworkers showed up and took their seats at the table.  I advised them that they might want to consider pouring their own beer.  Andy took it serious.  June brought Andy a Kirin and went to pour at the same time Andy reached out to take the beer.  He informed June that he would be doing the pouring this evening and she left.
     We begin to get settled in and I take a look around at the house decor.  Their is a sign that says "Paris", a picture of a duck above a picture of a hamster and some sweet lighting that puts me in the mood to hang out awkwardly in a cabin and feel like an asian.  The lighting is super informational, it says "Sushi" on them.

   
     Andy went to the bathroom and found some interesting writing on the bathroom door.  I had to inspect it for myself.

     I didn't expect to find a better bathroom door lock in Idaho but I did.  Sometimes magical things just happen.  I order my second beer, I pour it all by myself.  We finally get around to looking at the menu and deciding on food.  This place has edamame, prime rib, steak and sushi.  Ok.  Chris orders the Prime Rib, June tells him he gets to eat at the salad bar.  I order steak, I do not get to eat at the salad bar.  June doesn't ask me how I would like it cooked.  As an afterthought, I recommend that maybe they cook it rare.  She gives me a look that kind of felt like she was saying, "fuck off".   Chris goes and helps himself to the salad bar full of Prime Rib eaters.
     June comes back.  She asks Chris if he wanted the Baby Back Ribs, he says he wanted the Prime Rib.  She says the Baby Back Ribs are the special and come with a salad bar.  He says he wants Prime Rib.  She leaves disappointed.  Chris eats his free salad.
     One of the guys in the booth close by pulls out his phone and starts playing a motocross game on it, the volume is at the max.  The restaurant becomes an intense race for a few minutes.  I start laughing and can't stop.  I start thinking about beer number three.  (Full disclosure:  On work trips, company policy is that they will pay for two drinks.  Anything after that you have to pay for yourself)
     Ten minutes go by.  I want to order another beer but I'm pretty sure starting a separate tab is out of the question.  I don't order.  Ten minutes go by.  I am going against company policy,  I order another beer, June totally judges me and says "Another?".  Later I find out that June had already written up our bill and I made her cross out my beer total and redo the entire totaling process, BY HAND.
     Andy Orders another beer.  June brings him the beer and it gets real awkward.  She tries to pour it, he says no, then he takes the bottle, then he says "Well if you really want to".  June doesn't pour it.  June leaves.  It gets really quiet and we wonder if we will ever eat again.  I talk about how excited I am to bring other employees to this place.  My employees act disappointed that I would do that.
     Everybody's food shows up except for Chris's.  Everybody's food sucks pretty good, except for Chris's because it doesn't actually exist.  My steak was cooked the average amount, which is what I suspect all of their steaks are cooked like.  About halfway through the meal we realize that Chris is still hungry and isn't eating.  We all have a good laugh because we are no longer hungry because we have food.  The prime rib finally shows up, it comes with "mashed potatoes", which were clearly made in preparation for Y2K in a bowl that could be microwaved.  I wonder aloud how many individual bowls of mashed potatoes they have frozen in the back room.  I ask for the check.
     I give June my credit card, she asks if this is our first time coming to Adam's Kitchen.  I laugh at the thought of a repeat customer, then I remember the lady at the hotel that told us to come here.  Maybe she is friend of Junes.  I don't know, something isn't adding up.  June brings back my card and gives me a present!

           Now I have to come back here!  I thought June hated me, but it turns out we are best friends.  She decarbonates my beer, I tip her 20% for horrible food and service because I'm gutless, she gives me a card that doesn't fit into my wallet for 10% off.  I modify the card so I don't lose it.

   
      We leave the restaurant and I am sad to go.  I made a lot of memories there and I will miss June.  We pull into our hotel parking lot and I get out of the truck.  As I'm walking to my room I pass the front desk lady that recommended Adams Kitchen.  She looks so happy and excited to hear what I think.  I LIE.  I look her in the face and tell her that it was great.  Which, in a way, wasn't a lie at all.