I strongly suspect that my tooth is not numb.

This blog will teach you not to speak to somebody who has your fist in their mouth.

I recently went to the dentist to get a cavity filled. I was super excited, I love getting shots and having a stranger stick his hands in my mouth. So I show up and lay down in the patient chair. I love those chairs, though they make me feel rather lazy being horizontal when everybody else in the room is sitting on a stool. There is me, laying horizontal, and two people sitting on stools on either side of me. "Ok, pleased to meet you. So um, are you ready to put your hand in my mouth? Cool." I open my mouth and he begins digging around in there, sticking a large needle into my mouth in various locations, this is awesome.

Then the Dentist looks down at me and asks "So do you have big plans for Christmas?". I am all for people being nice and making small talk at the workplace, but if your job consists of placing your hand inside my mouth, which I use to speak out of, I am willing to give you a pass on the whole communication thing. I am staring up at him, and he is staring back at me and in my head I am like "Ok fine, I'll play ball buddy". I answer the question. My answer to his question was "We are going to my wife's parents house for the day". The words that came out of my mouth(which has a mans fist inside it) were "EE ahhh oin uuu I ives arence ouse o eh yay". He looked down at me and said "What was that?".

This is my second worthwhile experience at the Dentist. My first was when I was thirteen. My sister was in town and decided to accompany me and my mom on the trip to the Orthodontist. This was the consultation appointment, so he was gonna look at my teeth, say "Dem der some crooked teeth". Then we would offer him "X" amounts of money to fix my mouth situation and we would be off. We are seated and after a bit he comes in. He asks me to open my mouth, he looks in and begins to inspect my situation. I will quote him "Ok, well it looks like she has a cross bite, she will definitely need braces for about 18 months." I am looking at him and thinking, "Does he know about my clogging past? My hair doesn't even look like a girls anymore, what the hell?" He continues on with the conversation and refers to me as a "she" a few more times. I of course say nothing about how I am in fact a boy, and was born with a penis, I tend to shy away from confrontation. Finally, my sister breaks the news to him that he has mistaken me for a girl, when I am in fact a boy. Life goes on, we hire him to correct my cross bite. I'm not too sure about the logic in picking a man that confuses male and female to fix a little boys crooked teeth, but that's water under the bridge.

Back in the present I am still at the Dentist trying to speak to a man who has placed his fist inside my mouth. It isn't going well, kind of a one sided conversation. I wish he would just read a book to me or something. I love books. He finally comes to the conclusion that he has injected me with enough novocaine. Bring on the drill. He starts doing his thing, after about 10 seconds or so I feel a sharp stinging pain. He pulls the drill out, apologizes for not numbing me enough and injects me a few more times. This happens a few more times. At one point he looks down at me and says "Are you sure that your tooth isn't numb". My answer, "I strongly suspect that my tooth is not numb." Finally, he breaks through my nerves defenses and manages to numb the tooth. Finishes the job and sends me merrily on my way.

One problem, I have been injected with approximately four times as much novocaine as he thought I needed. My face is now numb. Not a lot of feeling going on. This would be a great time to practice heading the soccer ball! What's the worst that could happen, bring on the facing. Anyway, I go home and make dinner. We eat dinner and I go up and get into bed. Finally, my mouth begins to awaken. To a reasonable amount of pain. Not just tooth cavity pain. My tongue really hurts. Why is there a blister on the roof of my mouth? This is quite uncomfortable. The moral of the story is that if your mouth is numb, you probably shouldn't be eating hot food. It certainly seems like common sense.........