The benefits of repeated blows to the head.

This blog will encourage the use of helmets.

Growing up my family had a male golden retriever named Buster. He was huge and very powerful. We had a harness that you would hook to him and in the winter he would pull us on a sled. It was awesome. Well, it was awesome the 2nd time and every time after that. The first time was not so awesome.

So I was very young, we will say between 5-7 years old. Josh and his friends were being pulled by buster on the snow packed roads and it was awesome! I was very excited for my turn. We had a sled, and a leash hooked onto the dog harness. All you had to do was hold onto the leash and boom, instant fun. Well Josh and his friends didn't feel like I was strong enough to hold onto the leash while Buster pulled me. The main reason they thought this was because I was clearly not strong enough to hold on to the leash while Buster pulled me. Luckily my brother had a genius idea that would allow me to still participate. So what he did was instead of having me hold the leash, he just tied the leash to my hand.

Josh starts running, and Buster immediately takes off. It was amazing. I was so light that Buster had no problem pulling me. I was going to set the record for being the fastest down the street. We were flying by houses, my hand tightly secured to the rope, Josh has long been passed up. The ride lasted about sixty seconds and finally Buster comes to a stop. Ride of my life. The only thing that would have made it better is if the sled had come with me. Though I guess it was handy that I didn't have to carry it all the way back to the house. Ever since then when I see a movie where a guy gets dragged behind a horse I say "Ya that totally sucks guys."

After the dragging event springtime rolled around and we were finally able to get out on the trampoline. Finally a sport that I was good at. Trampoline instructions "Get on trampoline, jump around, smile and laugh. Good job." This particular day was different, the trampoline had been moved by my brother. It had been strategically placed underneath a tree. Oh man this was going to be awesome. They were jumping out of the tree, doing flips out of the tree and landing on the trampoline. These guys were amazing.

When my turn rolled around I naturally did the most acrobatic move my body would allow. I call it the "Jump out of tree and land indian style on the trampoline move". It turns out that given my particular coordination level I should have opted for the jump out of tree and land on feet trick. I have always been good at the land on your feet trick. Anyway my particular trick landed me a little off balance on my ass, which combined with other people jumping catapulted me backwards. By backwards I mean flying through the air, upside down, screaming until I landed in the exact opposite position as the "Land on your feet trick". It also was a negative that I did not land on the trampoline. I would discourage such behavior for any of you future trampoline acrobats.

A few years later I had moved on from the trampoline and mastered the art of rollerblading, and by mastered I mean that I could go forward and not fall down. All the neighborhood kids had rollerblades and hockey sticks and I was super stoked to be able to play with the big kids. There weren't a lot of kids my age in the neighborhood so I just played with my brother and his friends. In hindsight I don't think that hockey is a good sport for little kids to play with older kids.

We had been playing for a while and it was going great. Actually, in reality I sucked pretty bad and once I got going I couldn't stop or turn. I was out of control. For reasons that I haven't figured out I was put on defense. All I had to do was stand there and try to prevent the puck from getting past me and into the goal. Easy enough.

All was going well until the other team had a fast break. I was ready though, I had my feet strategically placed so that the puck couldn't get past them. I had the big goalie stick that was half my weight, nothing got past me. Well the unfortunate thing about a fast break is that it gives the opposing teams player time to really line up his shot at the goal. The same goal that I have willingly placed myself in front of. Afterward I realized that I was probably too short to be goalie. In general goalies do not need to be tall, but taller than a tall toddler is certainly a good star. So this kid hits a slap shot directly at me, the puck actually leaves the ground. The only problem is that it didn't have to get very high to line up with my face. I blocked the shot.

I played soccer as a kid. Soccer is a pretty hardcore sport. I was not so hardcore. I was more softcore, but that sounds dirty so we will just call me a wuss. The thing is, is that one specific part of soccer is completely ridiculous. So it basically plays out like this, anytime the ball is hit up into the air you are to use your head to hit it into the direction you want it to go. I immediately was not on board with these sorts of shenanigans after my hockey experience with things flying at my head. Here is a basic commentary of what went on.

Coach: "Ok Nick, Bryan is going to kick the ball at your head, and you need to head it back to him.

Me in my head: "This seems like a bad idea, my forehead is very small, that ball is rather large, I don't see how this isn't going to hit my face. Why doesn't anybody call this facing?"

Me to the coach: "Ok"

Bryan kicks the ball, I make sure that the ball goes nowhere near my face, which consequently means I do not hit the ball with my forehead.

Coach: "Nick you have to hit it with your forehead, don't jump after it is already above you, get in front of the ball."

Me in my head: "Oh wow, that ball was going so fast. Why isn't anybody congratulating me on not getting killed? Seriously, what? No please do not kick the ball at my face again. I hate facing. How is this a good idea?"

Me to the coach: "Ok, got it."

Me in my head: I'm not putting my face in front of the ball, what is this guy drunk? I don't put my face in front of bullets for this exact reason. That ball is bigger than a bullet and I am pretty sure it is going faster.

Bryan kicks the ball again, I make every effort possible to make sure that I am not assassinated by "facing" the ball. Quite successfully I might add.

Coach: Nick, you can't be afraid of the ball.

Me in my head: I am not afraid of the ball. I am afraid of the velocity that the ball is traveling at. I am also a little concerned that it is directed at my face.

Me to the coach: "Ok."

Soccer was never really my thing. I mean I played it a lot, constantly in a state of fear that the ball would elevate itself to head level and I would have to choose whether I wanted people to laugh at me for ducking or laugh at me on the ground after "facing" the ball.

Life is hard as a kid. Especially for the uncoordinated. It is really extraordinary that I never had major brain damage from repeated blows to the head. Or, if you think my blog posts are completely insane, maybe I did have brain damage from repeated blows to the head. Probably a 50/50 chance I suppose.

-Nick