I seem to have gotten sidetracked, my apologies. So I go in for my allergy test, actually no I am not done being distracted. You need to understand my allergies. As a kid(turns out I had quite the entertaining childhood), I had major allergies. I know what you are thinking, Nick had a runny nose and is gonna bitch about it. Which is the exact reason I am about to tell you this story!
We had a trailer while I was growing up to go camping in. It was a lot of fun. I had my own 5x3 foot luxury suite. It was perfect because I had a 5x3 bed, match made in heaven. It was a bunk bed style luxury suite, my brother Josh also had a 5x3 luxury suite above me. He got the top bunk because I guess there was a fear that I would fall off of the top bunk. I don't know what would have led my parents to this conclusion. Maybe any of the previous blog posts could help shed some light on this topic.
So camping is a lot of fun, the only problem I can think of in regards to camping is that there is a lot of nature around. Me and nature, not the two best of friends. If nature was on facebook, I probably wouldn't be his friend. The problem with nature is it really multiplies the level of discomfort you have when you are known to have allergies. Say you have a runny nose typically in the spring, well go up into the mountains and now you have no nose. Just 2 holes in your face that dead end about an inch up there. I am willing to assume that people that suffer from allergies and people who partake in the use of cocaine are not the same people.
My problem was that I didn't have a runny nose under normal circumstances. I had a clogged nose at all times, and catastrophically runny eyes and nose if I encountered anything living. Plant, dog, cat, bird, catching a football and republicans all seemed to cause me problems. So taking me into the mountains would certainly be discouraged by any ordinary physician. Into the mountains we go. That's why I love Bob. No complaining and no nonsense around Bob. No matter what happens to you, it has happened to Bob and your story doesn't even compare. If you fell and cut your arm open and had to drive yourself to the hospital he would look at you and smile. Then tell you how he once had to do that except he ran out of gas, pushed the car to the hospital while letting his blood fill up a milk jug. Got to the hospital, donated blood to a baby, then his organs to an old man, then stitched himself up in the waiting room with a piece of bark. Went to work the next day, showed up early. This is probably an understatement of Bob's amazing feats.
So I would wander through each day, struggling to breathe through my mouth. The nose was just a lost cause. My eyes would run if I would interact with nature, so obviously I steered clear of that sort of nonsense. Other families tended to enjoy my company, or they felt like they were taking care of some poor kid and could write it off on their taxes. Probably the latter. I survived though, the days were tough but I just learned to get used to itching my eyes. The problem was what would happen at night.
At night I would go to bed in my 5x3 luxury suite, one thing I have always excelled at was being able to sleep like a rock. The unfortunate thing is that just because I was asleep, that doesn't suddenly mean that my allergies turn themselves off. So my eyes would water, and keep watering, and then dry. Then they would water again, and dry again. This would form a type of super bondo glue that sealed my eyes shut. Which is very convenient while sleeping, rather inconvenient when you wake up.
The first time this happened I was very traumatized. Basically, I woke up and tried to open my eyes. I found that to be physically impossible, so I did the next reasonable thing and started screaming. My parents rushed to my aid, removed me from my luxury suite and put a warm wash rag on my eyes. After about 10 minutes my temporary blindness had been cured. Though I never got over how my parents knew exactly how to fix the problem. Did they know this would happen? Did they knowingly put me into this situation? Was this some elaborate plan of Bob's to toughen me up? Couldn't he see that I was clearly not tough? Nobody will ever know. Now you know my previous experiences will allergies.
So I go into my allergy test. It goes like this, they put a checkered box on your back with about 50 boxes. They then take a small dose of different things people have been allergic to and put it on your skin. Great. Thanks for giving my body a super dose of everything it hates. So they put all these different types of dog hair, cat hair, pollen, and hippy sweat on my back. After 30 minutes they come back with the results, which I already know because my back WON'T STOP ITCHING. My eyes are actually trying to stick themselves together with each blink. It was ok though, I just stopped blinking.
The results are as follows. I am allergic to everything except three different types of moss. This is the truth. The only thing that my body likes are three different types of moss. The worst part of the whole ordeal is that after all the itching and pain, they didn't even tell me which types of moss I can go frolic in. Somewhere out in the world is a swamp full of moss that my body will completely synchronize with, but I may never find this glorious place.
-Nick
I like your blog. That is all.
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